OpinionA man who admits an attraction to a woman risks losing a potential friendship, but if they try to just be friends then they instead risk being perceived to be uninteresting.
      – Lee J Haywood, 2009-08-08 at 20:23:46   (8 comments)

On 2009-08-08 at 20:24:59, Lee J Haywood wrote...
Is there a third option, or is it always better to show an interest and give/receive in complete honesty?
On 2009-08-09 at 03:15:22, Scarletxstarlet wrote...
We can always tell when you want to fuck us; you needn't say it. That being said, we'll respect you for it, reciprocal or not.
On 2009-08-09 at 09:29:52, Lee J Haywood wrote...
@Scarletxstarlet: How do you know that you always know? (-: What if I were being careful to act like a disinterested friend, and you didn't see any signals? And what is it that you're respectful of? Desiring you, or acting like we don't?
On 2009-08-09 at 17:07:01, Scarletxstarlet wrote...
@Lee J Haywood: Women can generally tell how their guy friends feel before said guys even KNOW that's how they feel. That's why a woman will often get jealous and accuse her man of cheating on her before he's actually done anything; she can just sense his intentions. I would respect the honesty of someone telling me they like me, or alternately the concern and respect involved in not saying anything about it. Either way, I don't see my platonic guy friends as uninteresting.
On 2009-08-09 at 17:39:40, Lee J Haywood wrote...
@Scarletxstarlet: Well then the middle ground is to pass compliments but not make a pass, but I had been thinking that even that might be enough to ruin a friendship if the woman isn't interested early on. There's a difference between thinking someone is physically attractive / interesting and actually having a spark/chemistry. In the latter case there's no question that things will work out by themselves, but in the former case I (a) wouldn't expect you to know anything and (b) might be put off by the prospect of a man possibly having a hidden agenda when you're not feeling anything for him at the time. It can often take a month or three for people to develop feelings. During that period you've got to try and spend time with the other person whilst showing enough interest but not too much, I think.
On 2009-08-10 at 04:15:17, BorgClown wrote...
Just to give my two cents, I've been turned down, and while if feels awkward for a few days, the friendship does not need to die. That's something I've learned from kids: Act naturally and don't take everything too serious. We grownups tend to take everything seriously because we want to be perceived as trustful, honest people. At work that's OK, but in your personal life you gotta loosen up.
On 2009-08-10 at 09:22:05, Lee J Haywood wrote...
I wasn't talking about making a pass at someone, only complimenting them and thus showing an interest. My opinion was stating that even that might be enough to ruin things, simply because a woman can be suspicious of a man's intentions.
On 2009-08-10 at 09:33:50, Thelevellers wrote...
Hmmm, reading this I am suddenly suspicious I'm gonna screw up in some way next year! In my current group of friends we all call each other sexy and compliment each other in a kinda flirty way, so much so that I may be a bit too used to doing it, and may give misleading signals next year! Seeing as I'm going back to college (high school) and my female collegues are 17/18 there are going to be a lot of girls I'm completely uninterested in (I have a no sex under 18 [it's legal at 16 here remember aericanos!], and no relationships under 20 rule), but will happily be friends with. Heh, add to that the fact I have never been on a date with a girl I'm not already 'together' with, I think I'm in for an interesting or lonely year! Hmm, not sure if I'm ignoring this question or not?! I may just add that I've never been worried by the uninteresting thing, part of making friends for me is showing I'm interesting, then if they're hot I consider something more. But then I'm hardly experienced in 'dating' from scratch!