QuestionHow do you know when a man is being unfaithful?
      – Nevermore, 2008-09-18 at 00:30:31   (34 comments)

On 2008-09-18 at 00:34:51, Nevermore wrote...
.
On 2008-09-18 at 00:37:11, Beeba wrote...
when you find suspicious messages in his e-mail and on his phone, and the GPS device you secretly attached to his car tells you he's not going where he said he was going.
On 2008-09-18 at 00:39:25, Nevermore wrote...
@Beeba: Damn! Why didn't I think to put a gps device in his car? Oh yeah, it's because I'm not a crazy bitch.
On 2008-09-18 at 00:41:46, BorgClown wrote...
@Nevermore: Unplanned expenses? Inconvenient work hours? Suddenly changes his appearance? He smells like perfume or even hotel soap? These are hints, but nothing beats asking. Or a GPS =)
On 2008-09-18 at 00:42:42, BorgClown wrote...
@Nevermore: The device could be hidden under the back seats, it's more unlikely to be found there than in the trunk.
On 2008-09-18 at 00:49:12, Nevermore wrote...
Yeah, but the problem is I know where he's going. He has no reason to lie about that. He recently got back in contact with a girl he was sort of friends with in high school. They have an EMT class together. And so suddenly they are calling each other and having study dates, and I want him to have friends but something about this makes my stomach knot up. He called a few minutes ago, when his class let out, to say he is going to go out for drinks with her and a couple of other people. The thing is, I can hear her in the background basically telling him what to say. What the hell? So I told him, "look, I can't make your decisions for you and I'm not going to tell you want to do, but you need to know that if you do this I'm going to be very upset about it." He goes anyway, without inviting me. So I'm sitting at home by myself all night while he's out with some chicks I've never even met having drinks. Am I being too jealous? Be honest with me. Or am I justified in feeling uncomfortable about this?
On 2008-09-18 at 00:56:01, BorgClown wrote...
@Nevermore: That depends. I trust my wife and she trusts me when we go out with friends. But that wouldn't be that way if any of us had made something that at least looked fishy. You know better than us.
On 2008-09-18 at 00:57:01, BorgClown wrote...
There's always temptations, but losing the trust of your partner is too great a price to pay for an adventure.
On 2008-09-18 at 01:02:11, Nevermore wrote...
@BorgClown: *sigh* yeah. He didn't even invite me! In fact, he was making excuses for me not to go. And he knows I have virtually no friends to go out with, ever. I don't know. Sometimes I overreact to things, but something about this just really gets to me. If he was going out with just some guy friends I wouldn't mind at all, I would encourage it. And I already know he's physically attracted to this woman.
On 2008-09-18 at 01:11:53, BorgClown wrote...
Ha ha, I should have visited you and fake a passionate affair, that'll teach him =)
On 2008-09-18 at 01:12:42, BorgClown wrote...
Of course my wife would dump me for having a passionate affair, so it doesn't work quite that well.
On 2008-09-18 at 01:22:22, Nevermore wrote...
@BorgClown: It's great that you and your wife trust each other. My relationship has been lacking that for a very long time. It's a joke, really. I don't even know what I'm doing here.
On 2008-09-18 at 01:28:22, BorgClown wrote...
@Nevermore: What can I say? Any advice you could get has to be weighed against the situation. No one can tell you to divorce or keep married, only you know if the relation is worth saving. If he's being unfaithful and you decide to end it, you'd get all the advantages in the hypothetical divorce.
On 2008-09-18 at 01:30:09, Nevermore wrote...
@BorgClown: i know, I know. I wasn't expecting a lot of advice, just sort of venting, I guess. Never mind me.
On 2008-09-18 at 01:31:26, BorgClown wrote...
@Nevermore: I must make clear that all relationships have a source of jealousy or fights sooner or later, no marriage is perfect. There have been times when I have to make a conscious decision to trust my wife, specially when she traveled for weeks before his actual job. Trusting takes practice.
On 2008-09-18 at 01:44:34, Nevermore wrote...
@BorgClown: It feels as if you are talking to me like a child who knows nothing about marriage and relationships. I know that everything you said it true. I just feel like these circumstances are a bit odd. She was telling him what to say while he was talking to me, and he was parroting her...wtf? Come on, that wouldn't concern you a bit? And his blatant disregard for how I felt about it, even though I was totally civil about it and not bitchy at all...the fact that he didn't invite me and he tried to talk me out of going...none of that seems a bit strange to you? Maybe I am misunderstanding what you're saying, not being able to read tone over the web.
On 2008-09-18 at 01:49:33, BorgClown wrote...
When you put it that way, it is very suspicious, I agree. What do you think would have happened if you were more insistent and tagged along?
On 2008-09-18 at 01:50:12, BorgClown wrote...
@Nevermore: Oh, and you can grab a popsicle from that jar if you like.
On 2008-09-18 at 01:52:45, Nevermore wrote...
@BorgClown: I don't know. I should have, but I really got the feeling he didn't want me to.
On 2008-09-18 at 01:55:54, Nevermore wrote...
I missed you while you were away, borg. The site has been completely dead since you left. And you always make me laugh.
On 2008-09-18 at 01:56:57, BorgClown wrote...
@Nevermore: Maybe asking him directly what's happening it's the best way to deal with this. Go to a park, dinner at a restaurant, talk outside the house. The quid is getting out of the house, too much safe places and routines there.
On 2008-09-18 at 01:58:12, BorgClown wrote...
@Nevermore: DNr hasn't been a party neither. The regulars can be counted with one hand. And you get spare fingers. It's comfy though.
On 2008-09-18 at 01:58:31, Nevermore wrote...
I'll try that.
On 2008-09-18 at 01:59:24, BorgClown wrote...
@Nevermore: Opps, I forgot: I missed you too =) No, really, I missed all you when I was traveling this past weekend. Just arrived here yesterday noon.
On 2008-09-18 at 02:00:47, BorgClown wrote...
You'll be surprised how getting out of the comfort zones does wonders for communication. Also a road trip, just the two of you, can be very liberating.
On 2008-09-18 at 04:25:58, Beeba wrote...
the part about her telling him what to say is pretty fucked up, that would make me seriously angry. i try to avoid issues like this by having a open relationship, but trust is always an issue, and making excuses to you over the phone like that is incredibly disrespectful.
On 2008-09-18 at 14:09:24, Lee J Haywood wrote...
@Nevermore: You have a specific list of things that have annoyed you about the situation. That means that either there's something genuinely wrong and/or that there's a fundamental communication issue. From what you've said before, I guess that it's both - it's not a happy situation, and you're unlikely to be convinced that you can trust him no matter what he says. I imagine that if you have a solid relationship with someone, then you'd be able to ask them any question with some confidence and expect a mostly honest answer. But it's more often the case that you avoid asking questions precisely because you believe that doing so would destroy the relationship completely. In the latter case, you're stuck with not knowing and not being able to ask and that's torture. Either you're better off alone, or you have to try and put your questions - and possibly your feelings - to one side.
On 2008-09-18 at 18:24:15, Patofeo wrote...
In general, when there is indifference lingering in the general atmosphere, you might consider doing something about it
On 2008-09-18 at 18:28:25, Baslisks wrote...
@Patofeo: had that with my girl this week. We were both kind of indifferent. We called each other up. Started naming problems and whats happening in our lives. We broke into actual talking and enjoying each other and then we both got horny and started talking a little dirty... Communication helped us when we were both feeling meh about each other.
On 2008-09-18 at 18:35:46, BorgClown wrote...
@Baslisks: I always support the idea that communication does wonders. Many of our problems come from assumption and miscommunication.
On 2008-09-18 at 18:44:41, Baslisks wrote...
@BorgClown: Ha, yeah... Watching my new roommate cheating on his girl and both girls that hes with are pissed at him because he won't really talk to either.
On 2008-09-20 at 19:08:41, Wonkobox wrote...
his hips are moving?
On 2008-09-21 at 03:07:27, Patofeo wrote...
@Wonkobox: good point! When his penis is inside someone else is also usually a good indicator
On 2008-09-21 at 05:32:29, RudystillRules wrote...
When he comes home and says "Honey that woman I screwed last night was much hotter than you" that should send the alarm bells ringing.