SurveyYou have been coerced into doing more on a date than you actually wanted to do.
      – Scarletxstarlet, 2008-09-12 at 15:10:30   (41 comments)

On 2008-09-12 at 15:10:57, Scarletxstarlet wrote...
Yeah, last night...what really sucks is that up until that, it was the best date ever, and I was totally stoked about seeing him again.
On 2008-09-12 at 15:12:58, Lee J Haywood wrote...
I should be so lucky... When you say you were coerced, do you mean you did something that you regretted afterwards, or that you were pressured into something you didn't want to do in the first place?
On 2008-09-12 at 15:28:24, Scarletxstarlet wrote...
I was pressured into something I didn't really want to do and also felt bad about afterwards...I honestly don't believe that he saw it that way, but I still feel pretty uncomfortable about it.
On 2008-09-12 at 15:28:43, Scarletxstarlet wrote...
The flesh was willing, but the spirit was definitely not, let's put it that way.
On 2008-09-12 at 15:31:17, Lee J Haywood wrote...
Perhaps it was too much too soon, but later on in a relationship not applying any pressure can mean that nothing ever happens. If it was too much too soon, an excuse to do less might have been called for.
On 2008-09-12 at 15:33:47, Scarletxstarlet wrote...
Honestly, I don't see why I need an excuse to keep my pants on. If I don't want to, I shouldn't have to. I understand guys' need to make a move, but if they could just stop and say "Hey, are you sure you want to do this? You don't have to if you don't want to." And that would allow the female to say "yes, I want to" or "no, I'd like to stop now."
On 2008-09-12 at 15:39:07, BorgClown wrote...
@Scarletxstarlet: It looks like you weren't coerced, but you were too shy to say no.
On 2008-09-12 at 15:40:03, Lee J Haywood wrote...
It seems kinda dangerous to not ask, given that you could say afterwards that you were forced rather than merely coerced. If you didn't want your clothing removed then surely you could have pushed his hands away?
On 2008-09-12 at 16:03:25, Scarletxstarlet wrote...
I did say no, and I did push him away. apparently that didn't get the message across.
On 2008-09-12 at 16:08:33, Lee J Haywood wrote...
It sounds as though you were divided between what you'd like to have done, eventually, and what you were willing to do at the time. If you didn't want to go ahead at the time and said so, how is this not rape? Did you change your mind once it went too far?
On 2008-09-12 at 16:15:37, Scarletxstarlet wrote...
It's not rape because we didn't have sex. I didn't have a problem with making out with him, I just didn't want to do anything else and I thought I made that clear, but I suppose I did not.
On 2008-09-12 at 16:18:47, Lee J Haywood wrote...
Oh, I was confused by the bit about your pants. I'd expect you'd either be responsive or not, and if you're not then he'd not have much choice but to stop. But then it's tricky if you don't want to seem completely disinterested.
On 2008-09-12 at 16:24:38, Scarletxstarlet wrote...
Yeah, it is.
On 2008-09-12 at 16:35:19, BorgClown wrote...
I can attest that when we males start to make out, we cease to properly think. A firm negative and a brief explanation can solve this, though. Or a slap.
On 2008-09-12 at 16:53:58, RudystillRules wrote...
Well sometimes a slap can make it hotter so you might want to avoid hard physical contact. I advise pushing him off and walking away. If not just grad his testicles and squeeze.
On 2008-09-12 at 16:57:32, Scarletxstarlet wrote...
laugh @ Rudy... yeah, I think if the guy was an asshole, I would have had an easier time being stern with him. it's hard to be mean to someone that you actually like.
On 2008-09-12 at 16:59:38, BorgClown wrote...
@Scarletxstarlet: Do not ever grad a man's testicles. They're annoying uneducated, think how more annoying his testicles would be with a degree.
On 2008-09-12 at 17:01:27, Scarletxstarlet wrote...
@BorgClown: "Why are you taking so long to finish your dissertation?" "I don't know! Usually I can get one done in two minutes!"
On 2008-09-12 at 17:03:18, RudystillRules wrote...
I officially award Clownface the internet for that along with +200 bonus cool points.
On 2008-09-12 at 17:03:38, BorgClown wrote...
@Scarletxstarlet: Oh wow, you do really know about men.
On 2008-09-12 at 17:04:38, BorgClown wrote...
@Lee J Haywood: Did you hear that Lee? Please add those +200 to my balance.
On 2008-09-12 at 17:05:26, Lee J Haywood wrote...
You'll have to hack them on.
On 2008-09-12 at 17:10:07, BorgClown wrote...
@Lee J Haywood: I'm no hacker, just a regular customer. But I find it highly amusing that a hacker is also a lousy writer or journalist. That I certainly am.
On 2008-09-12 at 19:21:38, Nevermore wrote...
You said no and you pushed him away, and he still chose not to stop. Either he is a total prick or he's just really dense. Either way, I think you should talk to him about it, just in case he is dense and honestly doesn't know he's done anything wrong. He needs to know that what he did was messed up and it shouldn't happen again to you or any other girl. I also think you'd be crazy to go out with him again.
On 2008-09-12 at 19:50:34, BorgClown wrote...
@Nevermore: As I said before, any men we can get pretty dense when sexual activity is involved, it's the proverbial "thinking with the other head". If the negative is made softly and politely as to "not hurt our feelings", we might not even register it. Express it clearly, if the guys loves you he will feel disappointed, but he will retreat.
On 2008-09-12 at 19:51:06, BorgClown wrote...
I might add, even if the guy really likes you. If he just likes your looks, he'll insist even more.
On 2008-09-12 at 19:55:24, Lee J Haywood wrote...
I've had that - where you like a girl's looks and don't really care as much about her feelings as much as you should, as opposed to a girl you really like and don't care that much about how she looks. In the latter case, it doesn't matter if the girl pushes away because it's the communication that's important.
On 2008-09-12 at 20:02:41, BorgClown wrote...
@Lee J Haywood: Same here. When I've been attracted to a girl hawtness, it doesn't matter if she's a few bulbs short of a chandelier, but that also means the physical advances are more insistent. When I've been attracted to a girl by her overall qualities, the empathy is greater, and consequently I've been more aware of when she's uncomfortable. For women it might sound rude and cynical, but every man I've talked with about this agrees.
On 2008-09-12 at 21:33:32, Scarletxstarlet wrote...
Well, he apologized for acting the way he did yesterday, after I said that it made me uncomfortable and I would rather that it didn't happen. I think he was being sincere and I accepted his apology.
On 2008-09-12 at 22:57:39, BorgClown wrote...
@Scarletxstarlet: I hate happy endings. So bland.
On 2008-09-13 at 01:39:56, Nevermore wrote...
you men are all pigs! :p I know it's typical without you even telling me, from my own experience with men. But it's still shitty behavior.
On 2008-09-13 at 03:25:08, BorgClown wrote...
@Nevermore: It's normal and expected male behavior. Why do women expect us to be different than we are? Not accepting people as they are is like asking for hypocrisy, which many men will do just to get into your pants.
On 2008-09-13 at 03:28:58, Nevermore wrote...
Expected behavior? I don't think it is. And I don't think this is about not accepting people as they are.
On 2008-09-13 at 04:08:35, BorgClown wrote...
@Nevermore: I expect it from nearly every men, why do girls insist on expecting otherwise? It's sexist, but we're talking of getting sex, for chrissake.
On 2008-09-13 at 05:29:02, Nevermore wrote...
I just don't think expecting a person to know what "no" means is asking for hypocrisy.
On 2008-09-13 at 05:34:34, BorgClown wrote...
@Nevermore: I thought you referred to my comment #28. Of course if one is been told to stop and yet insists even when you're making your partner uncomfortable, that's just being an idiot. Be it man or woman.
On 2008-09-13 at 05:57:50, BorgClown wrote...
@Lee J Haywood: This is what a real hacker could do: http://blog.wired.com/27bstroke6/2008/08/revealed-the-in.html
On 2008-11-13 at 08:25:50, Mogis wrote...
Ah shit, Lee. Nothing is secure
On 2009-08-10 at 02:04:03, DigitalBoss wrote...
No.
On 2009-08-10 at 09:45:48, Thelevellers wrote...
No, but then, as I think I just mentioned, I have never done a proper date with someone I am not already in a relationship with...
On 2009-08-11 at 03:14:59, Baslisks wrote...
wow necroed.... confused me. Yes.